Crying

Adrian had been doing very well for the past few days. Starting yesterday, we started to let him differentiate between daylight and night time. And, of course, started to train him on MY schedule! ^_^ When we woke him up for 8am feeding this morning, we put him back to sleep again, and he didn't get up until 11:30am! Ha...exactly the time mommy likes to wake up! Let's see how well will that be. Cross my fingers.

Last night, I cried. I cried very hard. I think majority it was because of the hormone. But, of course there were things that triggered it. I came upstairs to take a nap after dinner. And, when I woke up around 8:30pm, I heard that Steven, his mom and Cassandra were still playing Wii Fit downstairs. I immediately got upset about that. How come he never came upstairs and checked what was I doing? (He did, I didn't know) And, then, it was the stress from breastfeeding, the debate of whether I should quit now or wait a week or two later. And, missing my mom. I felt that if it was my mom here, I wouldn't have all these stress. I cried and cried. Steven was on the phone downstairs and when my mother-in-law came up, she got scared. She thought I was in pain. She kept asking me if I was okay. I had to keep telling her to don't mind my crying. Finally, Steven came up, by my action, he automatically knew why I was upset. And, that's when he told me he did came upstairs to check on me and didn't want to wake me up. I was actually a bit surprised at how well he knew me, ha! I usually have to sit there and explain everything I did, but this time he understood it all!

I kind of feel bad for my mother-in-law. She feels she couldn't help me much which I already appreciate how much she had helped by just taking care of Cassandra for me. It's me whom I just rely more on my husband and my mom.

After I finished let out all my feeling, I said to myself and Steven that since I am a stay home mom and that I am planning to do so even after the kids go to school that I will try to stay by my kids as much as possible. I want to be wherever they need me. I am not working and even if I do in the future, it will probably be part-time. I want my obligation only towards my kids and my husband. When one day, Cassandra got married and have kids and need someone to help her to this 'Sitting Month', I want to be there for her. This "Sitting Month', the first 30-day after delivery, takes a lot of toll on the mother mentally and physically. It is the time that the mother needs her support the most, her husband, her parents, her love ones. And, I want to make sure that my daughter will have my full support when a time like this comes to her! It may be way too early to think about it now, but it's a 'mental' promise that I am making for myself to her.