The last day of my Sitting Month

Today, 9/26, is the last day of my Sitting Month. Adrian is now downstairs sleeping in his bounce chair in front of TV with his sister.

Last night was the first night in 2 weeks that I slept with him. I couldn't sleep well. Because my brother came and visit after his work, we talked until 1am. When I went to bed, I kept thinking Adrian will be waking up any minute that I just couldn't fell asleep. He started to stir around 1:45am, and I finally picked him up and woke him up at 2am. If I kept waiting, I just kept postponing my sleep. After feeding, I still couldn't sleep well. I guess it's because I haven't gotten use to him that I kept thinking he will wake up any minute. By 4:45am, I got waken up again because Steven was ready to go to work. And, at around 5:30am, I got up and fed him and dozed off to sleep after that. At 8am, I got wake up again by Cassandra and finally gave up and decided to say 'good bye' to my sleep of the day.

Cassandra woke up this morning with a very bad mood. She was fussing and because I was tire and exhausted, I got annoyed at her too. She started to cry and cry and I just had to leave her in her room for her to cry it out before I go back to sooth her. I was too tire to try to comfort her. I knew why she was crying. It was that kind of very 'sad' cry. She knew there is nobody sleeping now in the baby's room that she can run to to talk and play. Her A-Ma (my mother-in-law), her Po Po (my mom), her Gong Gong (my dad), and her Jiou Jiou (my brother) all left. My brother came last night after work and left this morning to go back to his work. For the past whole month, she had gotten used to and enjoy the company of all her beloved grandparents. They talked to her, they played with her, they did homework with her, they took her to school, to classes. When my dad left last night, I knew she was very upset. But, because my brother was here, she seemed all right until I told her she won't be seeing her uncle when she wake up next morning, her sad face came back again. This morning, after she finished her crying, her first words were, "Did Jiuo Jiou left already?" I felt so bad. She also asked me if we are going anywhere today and I had to tell her 'no' because I still have to stay home for my last day. So, I promised her I will play with her today and do some activities with her. I feel bad for her, but I know she will get over it very soon after we start our daily activities.

HAHA! HAHA! HAHAHAHAHA!

What a great thing I just discovered today! Because this DIY Sitting Month box that I bought contained exactly 30 packs of the Chinese herb medicine, when I took out one of the pack today, I realized there's only one pack left! I started to wonder and went to the calendar and started to count the days again, and yes, my Sitting Month is actually finishing tomorrow! My first free day is this Saturday, 9/27, not Sunday 9/28! YAY! How stupid was I? How did I calculated wrong? Well, because both Cassandra and Adrian born on a Thursday, and Cassandra was born at 7pm, so at that time I calculated from Friday as the first day, which was also the day I started my first pack. This time Adrian was born at 3am, and I started my first pack on Thursday which meant I should of start counting my first day on Thursday instead of Friday. Anyway, I can go out this Saturday! Haha.... Hmmm...now, let me see how do I spend this day!

Today is also the last day of my 'semi-half-baby freedom' day. My father (my last helper during this month) is leaving tonight. He was suppose leaving tomorrow, but he had to go back to work tomorrow morning as last minute notice. For the past 2 1/2 years of living here in PA, this is the first time my dad actually stayed over at our house. Not only I had enjoyed his company because of his help (and my mom and mother-in-law too), but Cassandra certainly had enjoyed this whole week of being with her favorite grandpa! With her constant calling of 'Gong gong (grandpa)', she will certainly misses him a great deal tomorrow. And, tonight will be the first night in a little more than 2 weeks that I will be sleeping with Adrian. I will have to then get up at least twice in the middle of the night to feed him. I will have to say 'good bye' to my 'good sleep' starting from tonight!! And, who knows how long will that goes!! Cassandra slept through the night at around 6, 7 weeks old, I am praying Adrian will be the same too, if not earlier...haha..

So, yes, I am very happy today to find out I get to go out this Saturday, but I am also not looking forward of getting up in the middle of the night and definitely not looking forward tomorrow. Friday is the day that Cassandra has nothing scheduled. No school, no classes, no nothing. And, because I still can't go out yet, I will have to be in the house alone tomorrow with both of them. Ahhhh! Who can come and be my company!!

6 more days

Last Friday, I finally went out for an hour! Why? I had to go see my dermatologist. I was going to wait after my sitting month, but with my rash I just couldn't wait any longer. When I was pregnant, I started to have the rash on my face. I've always have eczema problem, ever since I was a baby, but I never had it on my face. With this pregnancy, I did. I was hoping after the pregnancy, my rash will get better. Instead, it got worse. I got rash all over my body, my arms, my legs and even on my feet! This is also another reason why I couldn't stand breastfeeding anymore. Can you imagine me sitting there nursing or pumping while sweating and itching the whole time? YIKE! Today is the 4th day after seeing the doctor, I am certainly feel better. Thou, I still get itchy here and there, but it's not that bad anymore. My face definitely clear out a lot better!

My father came over on Saturday to take over from my mom. For the past 2 nights, Adrian definitely cooperate much better with my dad than with my mom. He had been sleeping great for the past 2 days with very little fuss at nights between feedings. Ha, I am sure my mom won't be too happy when she sees this!

I am in my 4th week of my sitting month now and I do feel my energy is coming back little-by-little. During pregnancy and after delivery, I would need to have my afternoon nap almost everyday. After delivery, I could simply just sit there and doze off. For the past few days, I realize I am getting more and more energetic. Because I don't sleep with Adrian at nights, I do get pretty good sleep except if I have to get up to comfort Cassandra if she has bad dreams, that if I take nap now in the afternoon, I don't feel sleepy at all until 2 or 3am! This is when I know that my energy is back!

So, yes, I broke the rule. I went out of the house. I had to go see the doctor. But, it didn't count. I was only out for an hour, and was just sitting in the car and in the doctor's office. Ahhh..6 more days, like my friend just said, I do feel I am almost a foot out of the house!!!!

10 More Days

Another week passed since I wrote my last post. It's been 20 days already. I have 10 more days to go!!!

My mom came on Sunday with my brother, Jeff and he left that afternoon with my mother-in-law. Because I started to put Adrian on formula from that Thursday, 9/11, he had been sleeping in his room with my mother-in-law. Ever since then, I could finally sleep comfortably at nights with just to get up once to pump. On Saturday night, the night before my mom came, I stopped the need for pumping at night which made me sleep straight through the night without the need to get up and feed the baby. When mom came on Sunday, I don't know if it was because Adrian already gotten used to my mother-in-law, he didn't really sleep well on Sunday night. And, therefore, my mom didn't sleep well either. Gladly, that was the only night, after that he went back to sleep between 4 to 5 hours straight.

So far, his schedule is: first feeding at around 10am, and every 3 hours after that. If he's sleeping, I will wake him up to change him and feed him. After 1pm's feeding, I will put him in his car seat to let him sleep quietly. And, after 4pm's feeding, I just let him sit and sleep in his bounce chair in the living room with us talking and watching TV around him. After 7pm's feeding, I usually try my best to make sure he stays awake or at least half awake. And, 10pm will be his last feeding before putting him to bed. At that feeding, I will feed him in his room with dim lights and quiet sound. During the night, he will get up around 2am or 3am again to feed and again at around 6 or 7am. Usually, after the 6 or 7am feeding, he doesn't sleep right away. He probably falls asleep within an hour. I guess, normally, with a morning mother, he would probably get up by that time. But, with a late scheduled mom and sister, he's force to sleep again! hee hee....

With me, I finally weaned off my breast milk. Am I happy? Half and half. Breastfeeding really takes a lot of toll on a mother mentally and physically. I don't have to say much about the physical part. It's the mental part that really bothers me. It's very emotional. With Cassandra, when I decided to stop, I felt guilty. This time, I don't feel any guilt, I just feel I lose something. I saw how good and healthy is Cassandra, so I don't feel guilty. It's the 'loosing' feeling that I have. How do I say it? To be able to have breast milk is the prerogative of being a mom. Only a mother can have that. This may be my last child and may be my last chance of having this prerogative. One may say, 'well, you didn't even enjoy it, you hated it'. Yes, it's true. It's what comes with breast milk that I hate. It's the breastfeeding that I don't enjoy. The latching, the pumping, getting up in the middle of the night, changing nursing pads every 2 to 3 hours, wearing bra days and nights, not to mention cracked and sore nipples. Anyhow, it's over, it's done. As of last night, I don't have to wear a bra anymore. I am comfortable. I still have that 'loosing' feeling, but I know I will get over it very soon, especially after I start going out. ^_^

Oh..I know some of you reading this blog and are wondering where are my pictures. Just go to my another blog: http://tinapei.blogspot.com and click on My Photo Album on the right hand side.

Weight

Steven took Adrian (咚咚) for his 2nd check-up today. He is now weighted 6 pounds and 3 ounces. Heeewwww...relieved. When he was born, he was 6 pounds and 3 ounces. When we left the hospital, he was down to 5 pounds and 10 ounces. When he was at the doctor's last week, he was 5 pounds and 13 ounces which I wasn't so thrill. Now, he finally weights more than his birth weight. When I had Cassandra, I wasn't so concern about her weight. But, this time, he just seemed so tiny to me!

Now, for his sleep. He had been getting up every 4 to 5 hours at night which we really wanted the 6 hours before. But, I guess I can't ask too much. He's already doing good to let us sleep 4 hours straight right?

For my weaning, I gave up the cabbage leave method. Because it doesn't soak up my leaking, I'd been getting messy on my clothes for the past couple of days. I decided to go with the Chinese herb medicine like what I did with Cassandra. I asked my Dad to get them for me and had it DHL to me overnight. I just received today and Steven will start making it tomorrow. Hope I can complete this weaning task by the time my mom comes on Sunday.

Sleep

Don't know if we are lucky or what, but for the past couple of days, Adrian had been sleeping between 5 to 6 hours straight at nights!

What we did was during the day, we bring him downstairs and just stay downstairs whether he's asleep or awake. We let him wear normal clothes and don't swaddle him. The feeding right before bedtime, we would change him to a more comfortable clothes and swaddle him tightly after diaper change. And, we will feed him and put him in his Snuggle Nest, the bed that we just bought to put between me and Steven. Last night, because we sort of messed up the feeding during the day, his last feeding was around midnight. After that feeding, he went to sleep and didn't wake up until 5:30am. And, we fed him again and he slept until 10am. This is not bad at all! It's definitely better than waking up every 2 or 3 hours! Although, I still have to do that because I need to pump. But, since yesterday, I had been trying to stretch the time between my pump, so I can start wean it. I remember Cassandra started to sleep 6 to 7 hours straight at night when she was about 6-week old. Adrian is only 1-week! Hmm...let's cross my fingers and hope it's not a one or two days thing. I will definitely update on his sleep pattern in the next few days or so.

As far as me concern, I decided to quit my pumping. Yes, it's early. But, I am really hating it every minute and second of it. And, I want to wean it before Steven goes back to work next Monday. I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night to pump and then may be wake up an hour or so later to feed him since we don't want to wake him up at night time just to feed. And, may be wake up again if Cassandra calls me for bad dream or something else in the middle of the night. I know my mom will be around, but I know I will be waking up anyway. So, I am hoping that I can wean before next Monday. I will be starting to use cabbage leave today and hope that will work. I remember I used that last time with Cassandra, but my dad also had bought me some Chinese herb medicine. I don't have any ways to get that now, so I guess I will see how this cabbage leave method will work or not.

One Week

Adrian is one-week old today. For the past two nights, we realized if we have him sleep in our bed, he can actually sleep 6 hours straight! At first, I put him into the new travel bed that I got when I was pregnant from Baby Bjorn, he could sleep in it with no problems. But, whenever he cries or stirs, I have to get up to check on him. And, this makes me very uncomfortable because of my incision from the surgery. That's why we decided to just have him sleep with us on our bed. Because both Steven and I are deep sleepers, we kept afraid we will suffocate him and that makes either one of us can't sleep well. So, today, Steven went to Babies R Us and got the Premium Snuggle Nest. We are going to try that tonight and see how it works.

We were very surprised that he could sleep 6 hours straight by just less than 1 week old, and that makes me even hate pumping my breast milk. Instead of sleep with him continuously, I have to get up in the middle of the night to pump. Ahhhh! I am sorry...I just can not be that dedicated!

Crying

Adrian had been doing very well for the past few days. Starting yesterday, we started to let him differentiate between daylight and night time. And, of course, started to train him on MY schedule! ^_^ When we woke him up for 8am feeding this morning, we put him back to sleep again, and he didn't get up until 11:30am! Ha...exactly the time mommy likes to wake up! Let's see how well will that be. Cross my fingers.

Last night, I cried. I cried very hard. I think majority it was because of the hormone. But, of course there were things that triggered it. I came upstairs to take a nap after dinner. And, when I woke up around 8:30pm, I heard that Steven, his mom and Cassandra were still playing Wii Fit downstairs. I immediately got upset about that. How come he never came upstairs and checked what was I doing? (He did, I didn't know) And, then, it was the stress from breastfeeding, the debate of whether I should quit now or wait a week or two later. And, missing my mom. I felt that if it was my mom here, I wouldn't have all these stress. I cried and cried. Steven was on the phone downstairs and when my mother-in-law came up, she got scared. She thought I was in pain. She kept asking me if I was okay. I had to keep telling her to don't mind my crying. Finally, Steven came up, by my action, he automatically knew why I was upset. And, that's when he told me he did came upstairs to check on me and didn't want to wake me up. I was actually a bit surprised at how well he knew me, ha! I usually have to sit there and explain everything I did, but this time he understood it all!

I kind of feel bad for my mother-in-law. She feels she couldn't help me much which I already appreciate how much she had helped by just taking care of Cassandra for me. It's me whom I just rely more on my husband and my mom.

After I finished let out all my feeling, I said to myself and Steven that since I am a stay home mom and that I am planning to do so even after the kids go to school that I will try to stay by my kids as much as possible. I want to be wherever they need me. I am not working and even if I do in the future, it will probably be part-time. I want my obligation only towards my kids and my husband. When one day, Cassandra got married and have kids and need someone to help her to this 'Sitting Month', I want to be there for her. This "Sitting Month', the first 30-day after delivery, takes a lot of toll on the mother mentally and physically. It is the time that the mother needs her support the most, her husband, her parents, her love ones. And, I want to make sure that my daughter will have my full support when a time like this comes to her! It may be way too early to think about it now, but it's a 'mental' promise that I am making for myself to her.

Clock - Feed

It's been 2 days since we got home from the hospital with Adrian. He had been doing pretty well...just eat and sleep. It's the 3 of us, Steven, Cassandra and I are getting use to our new lives together.

Steven and I are now finally gotten use to watch the clock. We haven't done that for so long and it's been forgotten. When I was in the hospital, the nurse would ask me when did I fed him and for how long, I just couldn't answer her. I totally forgot the clock, watch the clock. Now, we finally got use to it.

I am going back to how I was with Cassandra again about breastfeeding. It was not as bad as the first time, but I still don't like it and definitely don't enjoy it. May be it's majority because of my nipples are being too big that he just don't latch on very well. Whenever he wants to latch on, instead of open his mouth wide, he would just suck it like how he would of suck it at at straw. This kills me! I finally decided to just feed him by doing pumping. It's quicker for me to pump and much quicker for him to drink. Instead of spend almost an hour, it would just take about 20 minutes. But, I still don't enjoy it. I don't like the fact that I have to get up in the middle of the night to pump and Steven has to get up too to feed. So, for one feeding, it will wake up the both of us. What happened when he has to go back to work 2 weeks later? I certainly do not look forward to me having too do them all by myself.

I talked to Steven last night to give up. I think both of us will enjoy it much more if we go 100% formula. He still feels if we fed Cassandra for a month, we should do that too to Adrian. But, is there a point? Do I feel guilty by saying and thinking all of these stuff? Sure, I do. But, I also know from my previous experience is that I will probably enjoy Adrian more if I do what I feel what's comfortable for me. Am I being selfish? I guess. But, what good will do to Adrian if I am not a happy mom? I think I will quit pumping my breast milk, but I will wait until 2 weeks later after my mother-in-law goes home. She breastfed all her 3 sons back then and she's not very thrill already by me using the pump. She feels when the mother breastfeed, there's a mother and son feeling. But, do I really care about that? Will that make my son don't want me as his mom if I am not breastfeeding, not having that close skin touch feeling? I don't think so. Cassandra is close to me just as my friend's kids close to her who breastfed her kids all year long.

Anyhow, I just have to do whatever is good for me for now. I can't wait until 2 weeks later when my mom comes. But, that's when Steven goes back to work which I am not looking forward to either. I guess you gain one thing, you have to loose one thing....