This whole year

Looking back this whole year of 2007. It's been miserable and frustrating.
During this time, what I hated so much was when people asked me if I was planning for a 2nd one.
If I answer 'yes', they get excited and would ask me more questions...
If I anser 'no', they would then keep telling me how great it is to have more than one kids, and that I am depriving Cassandra not to be able to play with siblings.
And, if I told them, 'working on it, but no news yet', they would just say, 'oh it's okay, let it come naturally, don't think about it too much.'
Come on, how could I not think about it?
The way that God made us, women, is that there are ONLY few days we can conceive, once we miss it, that's it for that month! How could I not think about it and let it go naturally??
I'd been taking my temperature first thing in the morning for almost the whole year, well from March, 2007. By all the experiences from all these months, I could tell exactly what day will I get my period. How could I let it go naturally?

I think one thing I got out the most this whole year was understanding my body. I think I never knew myself more than I knew it now. I really don't know if it's good or not!

Cassandra is getting older now. Every time when we go out and if we see a baby, she will yelled out "Mommy, baby!" Because it actually hurts me, I kind of just brushed her away saying, 'yeah, yeah, yeah..' But, is that good? I shouldn't be promoting my daughter not liking babies! On the other hand, I can't pretend that I am okay! Every now and then, Cassandra will come up and tell me, "Mommy, I am bigger now, I can take care of little brother and sister, can you give me a baby?" How do I answer to that question?? I really love to, my love. But, we are lucky to be able to have you! You are our precious.

One thing I know after Dr. Schillings told us that, I felt I hug Cassandra more these days...^_^